A Beautiful Death
by kjm92
Summary: He stood there, tall and leonine in front of me, the beautiful creature determined to destroy me; and I smiled at him. After being condemned to a slow and torturous life, he was here to cut it short and instead give me a beautiful death.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

A/N: Please read and review, any constructive criticism is welcomed.

... **Prologue**

Death would come tonight. Death would come in the form of the dangerous yet beautiful creature, who had shaken my grey future, and awakened my visions for the first time in three years. You would think that the knowledge that I would be dead before tomorrow morning would bother me.

It didn't; instead I revelled in that fact. Knowing that my life in this stale prison was soon to end made me almost giddy.

The vision had told me that he would enter through the window at exactly 2am.

In my room that night, I sat on the chair next to the window in a corner of the room. My bed, which lay against the wall opposite me, had had my pillows stuffed beneath the blanket to resemble my sleeping form. It was not because I had intended to hide from him, rather because I wanted a few moments to see if he looked the same as he had in my visions.

I hugged my legs against my chest, while I waited for him to come. It had taken him longer than I had expected.

I glanced at the clock on my bedside.

Ten more minutes

Five more minutes.

The clock ticked over to 2am.

A shiver ran down my spine as a sudden gust over wind came through the open window making the curtains blow open momentarily. I was quickly still once again, and looked over towards the bed.

He stood there, tall and leonine in front of me, the beautiful creature determined to destroy me; and I smiled at him. After being condemned to a slow and torturous life, he was here to cut it short and instead give me a beautiful death.

For a moment his back was to me, staring at the pillows beneath the covers. He stopped a few feet away from the bed. Not a second seemed to pass before he became agitated.

"Where are you?" He murmured under his breath more to himself than to me, in a voice so low I had barely heard it.

The light from the moon was coming in from the window, giving me a clearer view of him. He was even more beautiful than in my visions. He was lean but muscular, his honey blonde hair appearing silver in the moonlight, and his skin as pale as marble.

"You've kept me waiting," I said.

In a second he turned to face me.

JPOV

I was surprised for a moment: she was not in bed; after all most humans were at this time of night.

"You've kept me waiting." A soft voice said from behind me.

It took me less than half a second to turn to face her. Anger filled me; I was not used to being taken by surprise, especially not by a human; I fixed her with a murderous glare I knew terrified humans.

She felt no fear; none at all. There was no fear, no anxiety, sadness, not even surprise to see a stranger in her room; much less a monster, I knew that was what I must look like at this moment.

Instead, all I felt on her was relief, hope, happiness; and excitement?

I stood there, staring at this strange girl for a moment, unable to comprehend these inexplicable emotions of hers.

She sat there in the shadows; smiling at me.

I should have just done what I came here to do, end her as quickly and as painlessly as possible. After all she had lessoned my job by feeling quite calm already.

But I just stared at her. At her pale white skin, at her raven black hair, at her stormy grey eyes staring back at me with nothing more than relaxed curiosity, and her red lips that were fixing me with a knowing smile.

Annoyance filled me; I was straying from my task.

I took a step towards her; but she still felt no fear, if anything, her relief doubled. I stopped.

And I stared at her; she stared right back.

"Why aren't you afraid?" I spoke in a low voice; I did not want anyone else to hear me.

It took her a moment to respond, "Do you think I should be?"

"Yes" I answered that question without hesitation.

"Would you prefer that I was?"

This one took me by surprise.

"No."

"Well than this has been made easier on you. I'm glad."

She continued to sit there. After a moment, when I still found myself unable to move any closer to her, I felt a sudden impatience; it was from her.

"If you are going to kill me, please just do it. I've been waiting for an out long enough."

Now I was the one that was curious," An out from what?"

She smiled a grim and half-hearted smile and gestured to all around her, "from all of it; from this prison, from a future filled with nothing, and from being nothing to anyone."

I felt a sadness when she said it; hers. I realized that if I killed her tonight, it would be the most decent thing I heard ever done.

My resolve came back to me again.

APOV

"Stand up," he said, in a low and commanding tone.

I saw my death clearer than ever now. I did as I was told, and wordlessly stood.

He slowly started to walk towards me, his eyes boring into mine. I'm about to die, I thought; and despite all my other feelings, I became a little nervous.

The irony was, the closer he came to me, and the more alive I felt.

He stopped when he was so close we were almost touching.

"You're nervous." He said; it was not a question.

"Will it hurt?" I wished I had sounded stronger at this moment, but my voice wavered; I was sure he had noticed it.

His eyes, which had never left mine; softened.

"No," he promised, his voice surprisingly gentle now, "You'll feel nothing."

I let out a shaking breath as his hand came up to the back of my neck and he lowered his lips to my throat.

"Thank you."


	2. Chapter 1

A/N- This story is going to be mostly from Alice's POV; these first couple of chapters are basically just setting the scene, so bare with me, and it's just the first chapter that will be told in this style. It's just because Alice's past, and her time in the hospital is an important part of the story, so I just wanted you to get some background. The rest of it is either from Alice's POV or the gorgeous Jasper's lol.

I don't usually leave authors notes; I just wanted to say that.

Disclaimer- I don't own twilight. Please review my story I'd love to hear your opinions. Constructive Criticisms welcome.

Chapter 1

West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital- _3 years ago_

Dr Spencer cursed under his breath as he made his way to Dr Livingston's office.

Damn, damn, always late… Dr Livingston liked punctuality he knew; and he had been paged by him fifteen minutes ago. Unfortunately it had taken him awhile to slip away from the chattering Mrs. Dentin; a patient that had been in the hospital for fifteen years. She had been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and was harmless all the while they kept her on her medication; the old woman could not however be trusted to stay on the medication outside the hospital.

As if talking to her had not been time consuming enough, he had to get the new patient's file from his office. Now he was fifteen minutes late to meet Dr. Livingston.

Dr. Spencer cursed silently again at the thought of the balding, middle-aged doctor being even more crabby than usual.

Dr. Livingston had not been happy when he had been called in, while on his holiday, to see their latest patient. All the staff at the hospital new what a temper he had; but in the end it was conceded that he was one of the best to see patient 21437.

After all, she was so far a complete mystery.

When he found himself at the door of Dr. Livingston's office he braced himself, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Enter," a gruff voice from the other side called out.

Dr. Livingston's office was a very plain one, there were no pictures of his family, no diploma's hung on the walls; nothing. Just the plain white walls, and the floor length window. The middle-aged man sat at his desk talking quite animatedly on his mobile.

"…. It's not my fault I was called in… It's not my fault these fool doctors can't do anything on their own…"

Dr. Spencer would have been offended; but everyone was used to these openly offensive remarks from him.

"Look I will be back home as soon as I can…Yes I know….. Yes I will….. Goodbye," he gave a big sigh and hung up.

"Are you married with a family?" He asked, acknowledging the much younger doctor for the first time since he entered the room.

"No, I'm not," He responded.

"Keep it that way then."

With that he got to his feet, walked over and opened the office door, and grabbing the file out of Doctor Spencer's hand, beckoned him out the door.

"So where is this difficult patient that no one else can handle?" He said without looking at Dr. Spencer.

"The Intensive Care Unit."

The two of them started walking towards the ICU. There was no small talk between the two of them. Straight to business.

"And what's the story?" Dr. Livingston said while he flicked through the thin folder, "The isn't a lot of information here."

"She's new."

The older doctor stayed silent; a sign for Dr. Spencer to continue.

"A sixteen year old girl was admitted last night by her father Phillip Brandon; she was covered in cuts and was unconscious. The cuts were superficial, but she was admitted into the intensive care until she regains consciousness."

"Then why wasn't she admitted into a general hospital, this is a hospital that specializes in mental disorders."

"This girl attacked a man at random; he was a friend of her fathers that was staying with the family and according to him and three other witnesses the attack was without provocation."

"Has she ever shown signs of violence in the past?"

"Never. No records of violence have ever been filed against the girl."

"Do we have any previous records of her?"

"Yes, she has a long history with psychologists all over Seattle since she was a small child."

"Has she ever been admitted?"

"Never but she's been tested for various mental illnesses. Autism, schizophrenia, delusional disorder, schizoaffective disorder, schizotypy, the list goes on, although most come back negative."

"What tests were positive?"

"Only insomnia. It's the only thing she has been tested for in three years. According to her father, the tests stopped when she was old enough to argue with her parents."

"What were their reasons for wanting her checked?"

"We've had people talking to her father; he describes her as often disconnected from reality. She always seemed to be in her own world, even as a child. He said she had a tendency to tell strange stories. Things she said were going to happen; of course they didn't. When she was a young child her parents thought nothing of it, believing her to have an active imagination. The older she got however, the more serious the incidents became."

"At ten years old, her cousin drowned at the beach; and she told her parents and her aunt and uncle that she had known it was going to happen. There were many incidents similar to these. But she hit breaking point a month ago. Her mother, Mary Brandon, got drunk one night and had a car accident. She wouldn't accept that this was an accident; she began accusing her father of hiring someone to murder her mother. There were many more incidents of peculiar behaviour from her. But even then she was not a violent person. "

Dr. Spencer looked over to Dr. Livingston for a moment, to see him looking straight ahead, listening with mild interest. He went on.

"Last night at the family dinner, she suddenly leapt cross the dinner table without warning and attacked her father's friend, a James Hunter."

"Who else was present?"

"Her father, Phillip Brandon, her new stepmother, Stephanie Brandon, her Aunt, a Julia Pacquin, and a policeman friend of there's a Sergeant Goodman. It took all four of them to get her off of him and when they did, she started fighting them off, and threw herself into a mirror. It is unclear whether this was on purpose or by accident but it caused the cuts and rendered her unconscious."

"Afterwards her father brought her here; he seemed quite distraught over the whole thing; and left shortly after being interviewed by Dr. Gerandy."

"And why am I here now?"

They had reached the patients room. Dr. Spencer reached for the door handle, opening the door.

"She's woken up and she's telling quite a story."

…

Dr. Livingston walked into room 3305, followed by Dr. Spencer. There, lying on a hospital bed, with her wrists and ankles tied to the sides of the hospital bed; was a sixteen year old patient of his.

He glanced down at his file: Alice Brandon.

He looked back at the patient. Her eyes were wide, and frightened; glancing frantically between the two doctors.

As soon as the door closed behind them she spoke. "Please, please you have to believe me, I don't belong here! That man was there to kill me! I swear! I'm not crazy!"

Dr. Livingston sighed, and both he and Dr. Spencer took a seat next to her bed.

"So, Alice, why don't you tell us what happened last night, when you attacked James Hunter?"

She looked at us both, confused for a moment. Then, outraged, she started struggling from her binds.

"Didn't you hear me? He tried to kill me!"

"Don't you remember having dinner with your family? What happened Alice?"

"That is not true!"

"There were four other people with you that night, Alice; your father, your step mom, your aunt and Sergt. Goodman, remember? They all say you were all having dinner last night. What happened? Did James say anything to upset you? Maybe something you did not like?"

"They're lying! I swear it!" Tears started to well up in her eyes as she said this.

Dr. Spencer took this moment to speak up.

"Well why don't you tell us what happened then?"

She composed herself before she spoke up again, "My father tried to have me killed be this James Hunter last night."

"Why would he do that Alice? Your father loves you."

She looked at Dr. Spencer angrily, and her hands clenched into fists, her grey eyes becoming dark very quickly.

"You know nothing about my father," she said in a low whisper.

"So why don't you tell us something about him?" Dr. Livingston said.

"He hired the same man to kill my mother a month ago."

"Why would he do that?"

She became silent once again, her tears brimming over this time.

"Alice, we believe you are very ill..."

"Then why have the doctors never found anything wrong with me!"

"It's been some years since you have been tested for anything. As a child your illness may not have been fully developed. But we believe your mothers accident…."

"I keep telling you it was not an accident!"

"Alice I know this must pain you, but your mother's coroner report says there was nothing suspicious about her death," Dr. Spencer said, trying to sound sympathetic, "It was an accident."

"You're wrong! I saw it happen; I saw James kill her!"

"You saw that with your own eyes Alice?" Dr. Livingston said, with a slightest tone of derision.

"Y…. Yes, I had a vision of it."

"A vision?" Dr. Livingston's derision was not so subtle this time.

The girls face turned almost pleading, "Please, please believe me!"

Dr. Spencer looked over to his co-worker; Dr. Livingston's face was calm to anyone else. But he knew that face was just a façade, put on to placate patients. He did not believe this girl in the slightest, Dr. Spencer could tell that.

Anyone would find her story unbelievable; and Alice's delusional state was only that clearer to them given the fact there were four witnesses that could say that it had not been true.

Dr. Livingston looked down at his watch. …Must round this up, the sooner I get out of here the better… would be the perfect time to visit Cheryl….. Edith would just think I was at work.

"Alice your father has requested you stay with us for a while," he said in a gentle voice, " I will be your doctor while you are with us, I'm Dr. Livingston…."

As he was saying this, Dr. Spencer glanced over at the patient. Alice looked severely panicked, her long dark hair falling into her face as she began shaking her head back and forth, tears coming down her cheeks; she began quietly muttering, as if to herself,

"….no, no,…no please no…."

Dr. Livingston continued talking. "You will be put on level three, that is a higher security section, until we can see that you are not dangerous, and while you are in that section you will be having a session with me once a day except on Sundays, once you can be put down to level two or one, we will see each other once a week. Now you can think of this as your home Alice."

She seemed to get more and more agitated the more he spoke.

"I will not stay in this place! Let me out of here, NOW! I don't belong here! I'm not crazy….."

Dr. Livingston and Dr. Spencer stood up from their seats next to the bed, and went to leave the room.

"WAIT! You can't leave! You have to believe me! I'm not crazy! Please, no, no , no!"

Dr. Livingston opened the door and walked out, followed by Dr. Spencer, who gave her a fleeting, sympathetic look.

The older of the two, turned to the two male wardens who had gathered at her door.

"Take her up to her room on the third floor of the south wing; she's going in level three."

As they walked to the elevator, they heard her loud, high-pitched screams coming from room 3305, and the sound of her struggling with the wardens.

As they passed a nurse working at the desk, Dr. Livingston turned to her.

"Get a third warden in to help them move her; she's a strong one; and give her some Benzodiazepine" he said in a somewhat bored tone, and as an afterthought, added, "odd, considering her small frame."

There was no conversation during the elevator ride; Dr. Spencer knew from experience, one did not bother trying to make small talk with Dr. Livingston.

Once on the ground floor, Dr. Livingston turned to his younger co-worker, "Right, if that's all I'm leaving. I still have some of my holidays left. I'll be back next week; I'll see how the patients doing, and we can discuss it then," and, picking his phone out of his pocket and dialling a number, left Dr. Spencer starring after him as he walk away, "Cheryl…" ….

_6 Months Later_

At least it's a bright, sunny morning... Nurse Carter thought as she- followed by two wardens- made her way across the third floor to room 8006. It was been decided a month ago that the patient in that room was to be let out of their confinement. The nurse knew her to be Alice Brandon. She had been deemed know longer a danger to herself or others and was being let down to level two today. They were not supposed to get sentimental about any of their patients, but secretly the nurse had felt sorry for this particular one. She was so tiny despite her age, and despite all her efforts of getting out of her ties to begin with, she had mellowed with time, and she always looked so delicate.

They soon reached room 8006. Nurse Carter took a key out of her pocket and opened the door. The rooms on level three were always very plain hardly any furniture apart from the beds, and hardly any light coming in during the day; the one window in the room was always so small, with bars across them. It seemed harsh of course; but it was necessary for people that were deemed a danger to themselves or others.

This was no exception; and strapped down to the bed, was the patient Alice.

"Good news Alice, you're getting out of the room today. Remember Alice?" Nurse Carter said in her brightest voice.

The patient's face stayed blank, looking straight ahead, saying in a voice barely about a whisper, "I remember."

The nurse went over to her bed, and undid the straps over her bed. She helped Alice sit up and off the bed, while the two wardens were there in case the patient decided to act out.

She did not; in fact Alice did not even speak to them, remaining silent with a blank expression.

Without any difficulty from her this time, the three of them led her across the third floor to the east wing, where the level two patients went. Her room was now 1123.

As they opened the door, patient Alice had to shield her eyes from the bright light coming from the new bedroom. When she stepped into the room it was the first thing she noticed; that the window was significantly bigger, so big a person might have been able to fit through it.

Nurse Carter had one of the wardens leave, they were no longer necessary, and turned to the patient cheerily.

"Well Alice, this is your new room. Do you like it?"

She did not respond, she just stood there, starring out the window. Nurse Carter sighed, and motioned for the other warden to leave.

" Now Alice, now that you are in level two you will no longer be confined to your room, you will have access to the social room, the games room, the group room, the art cabin, and the lunchroom. You will not have access to any of the grounds however, that right is reserved for patients on level one."

The patient made no response just kept staring blankly out the window.

"Alice can you hear me; are you listening?"

"Yes Nurse Carter."

That being all that she needed to tell Alice, she turned to leave.

"Nurse Carter."

Surprised, she turned around to see Alice had turned from the window to look straight at her.

"Yes Alice?"

She seemed to hesitate, a frown forming on her face. After a moment she spoke up again, "I have something to tell Raymond, but it might be better coming from you."

Nurse Carter was completely still for a moment. "Raymond?" She asked in a confused tone.

"The warden that was just in here with you."

"Yes, I know Raymond; I-I'm just surprised you know his name." The nurse said but quickly dismissed it. He was probably wearing a name tag; though why a warden should be wearing a name tag she could not think.

She dismissed that thought though. "So what is it then?"

"He's planning to take the train home tonight. Tell him not to, please?"

"I'm sorry Alice, why would I do that?" She deliberately did not mention the fact that she was friends with Ray and knew this to it to be true, that he did take the train ride home.

"Because the train is going to have an accident tonight. Please for his sake, tell him not to go."

This was the first real conversation anyone had had with the patient since she was admitted. Now, the nurse was disappointed to see, although her behaviour had improved her mind was still very much the same.

"Of course, Alice." She did not mean this of course, it was what one generally said to the patient to placate them.

As she left Alice's room, she thought she heard a sigh come from Alice.

…...

Nurse Carter sighed contently in her kitchen that night. It had been a particularly long shift, and she was happy to be back in her warm home, get changed into more comfortable clothes and be sipping a glass of red wine in her warm kitchen.

The wine in one hand a remote in the other, she switched on the TV to watch her favourite show. Ten minutes later, it was interrupted by a news bulletin.

" … Two trains near S Jackson St have collided, leaving six dead and ten injured. When the police and ambulance arrived on scene, three were critically injured, and died while being brought back to the hospital. The three were a Grace Ashton, a Frank Horton, and a Benjamin Cole.

The three others had died almost immediately; they were a Conner Davis, a Lucy Belle, and a Raymond Smith…"

The glass of wine fell to the floor with a deafening smash, leaving the floor, covered in broken glass and stained red.

…


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital- Present Day

APOV

_It felt like my lungs were burning in my throat; but I kept running. I could feel nothing but panic, as the rain poured down in buckets, and the pitch black night seemed to envelope me. My breath came out in a white mist. _

_At first I did not know where I was going. Just anywhere else; anything to get away from Hunter and from the cold eyes of my father._

…

_I kicked him in the groin, and he fell to the floor for a moment, gasping in pain. I turned to bolt; he grabbed me by my ankle and sent me tumbling to the floor next to him. I tried to crawl away but he was on top of me in a moment. He had me pinned. _

_I kicked and screamed and punch and bit and clawed at him, but he was too strong. I was no match for Hunter. I started screaming; when I saw a figure standing in the doorway. It was so dark I could not see them properly. _

_Hunter drew a knife out of his belt and held it to my throat. My screams immediately silenced. _

"_Now," he whispered sinisterly, "we can do this as painless as possible or I can take my blade and slice up that pale, flawless skin of yours, and you will be in a huge amount of pain when you finally let out your last breath."_

_However was in the doorway switched the kitchen light on; it was my father._

"_Dad please! Please help me! I'm so sorry! Whatever I did I'm so sorry! I love you!" I pleaded with him desperately; surely he would not let this man do this to me. _

_He looked sad for a moment, and started to walk over to the two of us. I felt hope for a moment. Maybe he could not go through with it, and he really did love me! _

"_Dad, Please! Please, I love you so much." I kept repeated these words desperately to him, as he walked over to us slowly. _

_He crouched down next to us, ignoring James completely, who had stopped what he was doing, and stilled for a moment. When he so close he could touch me, he bent over me and took my face gently in both hands and looked lovely at me for a moment. Hope filled me; maybe he would not do it! This was affection I had not received from him in years. _

"_Oh My dear Alice. My sweet little girl," he whispered, in voice sounding strained and painful._

"_Dad please," I whispered, "I love you so much; I'm so sorry." _

_For a moment his eyes welled up, "I love you too sweet heart; you'll never know how much." _

_I smiled up at him, relief filling me, "Thank you; thank you; thank you."_

_He silently stared down at me for a moment. Then abruptly, his eyes hardened. _

_I immediately became nervous again, that face was never a good sign, "dad?"_

_He stood up again; and turned to leave the room! I was so confused, "where are you going!" _

"_Dad, please," I begged, tears started to run down my cheeks as I started sobbing, "don't leave me!"_

"_Dad?"_

"_DAD!"_

_He left the room with another word. And I was left, with Hunter still on top of me, pinning me down with them knife still to my throat. _

_He looked down at me with a smile on his face, "Now sweetheart; the hard way or the easy way?"_

_That vile face made me so angry, all I could do is spit in it. And that's exactly what I did no; no words, just that and a glare; and if a look could kill, James Hunter would have fallen down dead in that moment. _

_He gave an animated sigh, "Hard way it is then."_

_I was surprised that the neighbours had not heard my screams…_

I woke up to the sound of someone screaming, before realizing it was me. I sat bolt upright in bed eyes wide open, my breathing heavy and sweat making my hair stick to my skin.

It was not long before nurse Carter came running into my room.

"Alice what's happened!"

"I just had a nightmare," I did not mean to make the answer short; I just could not say anything else.

"Oh; well at least you're getting some sleep. It's much better for you."

I did not feel like that was such a good thing right now; but I expected that answer from the nurse. She knew I was an insomniac.

"Would you like to talk about your nightmare Alice?"

Talk about something everyone at this hospital thinks I'm either lying about or deluded myself into believing?

I immediately felt bad; after three years at this hospital, I felt Nurse Carter must be the nicest person in the world, certainly at the hospital. She was the only one that ever seemed to show any degree of real concern since my first day here and that Dr. Spencer came to see me with the awful Dr. Livingston.

I instantly resolved to make more of an effort to be friends with her.

All the same, I did not want to talk about the dream that was more memory than nightmare.

"No Thank you," I said in the most grateful tone I could muster.

"Very well then." she said before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.

I was left in darkness for a moment; I looked over to the bedside clock Nurse Carter had given to me a while ago; 2:00 AM. I sighed. I knew I would not get back to sleep.

I looked around my room. When I first was put in this room, it was plain with white walls, grey carpet, with a bed, bedside, a desk, a chair, and small dresser. All white. Still the same yet I was happy with what I had done with it.

The walls, once bare were now almost completely covered in sketches, drawings, and paintings I had done. It was my main occupation for the last three years, and by now I had gotten pretty good at it. There was not much else to do in this place.

The paintings and sketches were all very similar. There were of forests and woods, and rivers, and a house that were placed right in the middle of it all. I had lived in the city all my life, first with my family, then in this place, and I had longed to live somewhere more beautiful. Somewhere that was greener, more alive.

Since I now knew I could never have this, I decided to make it for myself; so in the privacy- or at least the closest thing I could get to it- of my own room I surrounded myself with painted forests and rivers.

Now, although it was not perfect, I was slightly more content to spend my days inside it.

I took out my sketchbook and laid down on my stomach on the bed to sketch whatever came into my head.

Some while later, I glanced over at the clock; 300 AM.

I put away my sketchbook; and picked up one of the books I had stacked on my desk and went over to the chair in the corner of the room.

4:00 AM

I put down my worn copy of Jane Eyre, and left the confines of my bedroom. My bedroom was not far from the nurses' station. I went over, to see Nurse Carter had fallen asleep in her chair.

An Idea formed in my head and I quickly grabbed my sketchbook and pencil and went behind the nurses' desk, sat down in a desk chair near to her, and began sketching.

Drawing a person took more time; I liked to take more care and precision with it. By the time I was finished it was 6:00 AM. She was still asleep by the time I had finished. I went to leave the nurses' station to go back to my room.

I suddenly heard the familiar humming of another nurse, coming to take over Nurse Carter's shift probably. I knew Nurse Carter had often been in trouble for falling asleep at her station; I had never taken much notice of it before. Now I felt guilty for it.

I went back over to her, and started to shake her awake.

"Nurse Carter," I whispered.

She suddenly bolted back up in her seat; and turned to me.

"Alice?" she said in an obviously confused state.

"Nurse Gail is on her way over," I said, just before, she cranky old woman appeared round the corner.

"Ah Nurse Carter," she said, she said in a very businesslike voice, "was there any trouble with any of the patient last night." She said without acknowledging my presence. I sometimes wondered if she and Dr. Livingston were mother and son, there demeanours being so similar.

"None, apart from Alice hear having a nightmare at around two last night," Nurse Carter responded trying to cover up the fact that she had been sleeping.

Nurse Gail acknowledged me for the first time since she'd arrived.

"What are you doing out here!" She said angrily, "patients aren't allowed out of there room at night not before seven in the morning.

"I gave her permission to come out of her room at night Betty," Nurse Carter said, "You know she's an insomniac."

"We're not surpassed to encourage it Melinda! And only her dr. is allowed to make that decision. I shall be speaking to him about this!" She said angrily.

After that Nurse Carter was dismissed; her shift was over. And Nurse Gail quickly sent me back to my room, saying I was not to come out until curfew was over.

….

I didn't sleep at all the next two nights; I always had trouble sleeping after that dream; which was more of a memory really. In the mornings when the Nurse asked me how I'd slept I lied, saying I had slept well. I always did; it meant fewer questions from Dr. Livingston.

After the second night without sleep I passed out in the middle of the patient's games room.

I woke up hours later in my room. It was no longer daylight; the room was nearly pitch black aside from the glow from the clock on my bedside. I looked over to the clock; one-thirty AM. My head felt foggy, and my limbs heavy. They had obviously medicated me again.

I did not want to sleep again, I was afraid to dream the dreams again, but the medication was strong, and it pulled me down into the fog again…

_I cried out in relief as I finally reached Aunt Julia's house. I ran as fast as I could to the front porch and started banging on the door as hard as I could, while I screamed out for her over and over again. _

_I could see lights on in the house, so I knew she was there. But she didn't answer, I stood there for ten minutes screaming out for her but there was no response. I was soaked to the bone and was shivering from the cold. _

_I could not afford to stand here and wait for her, so I ran round to the back porch and starting banging on the back door, calling out for her once again. _

_I started crying, hopelessly. She was my only hope, but I knew she still blamed me for Jamie's death. _

"_Please, please….. Help me…"_

_Suddenly I heard a police siren out the front of Aunt Julia's house. I cried out in relief, and ran out the front. _

_A police car was parked out the front; and getting out of it was Sergt. Goodman; I smiled at him for a moment, he was a family friend. Before I could say anything to him, someone climbed out the passenger side; my father. _

_I went from relief to agony at the mere sight of him. Then I was angry, he had the audacity to look sad, as he stared at me! _

"_Alice sweetheart, all we want to do is help you," he said. I so wanted to believe that, he had made it sound so genuine; I knew better though._

When I woke up this time, I was not screaming, but my cheeks were wet with tears.

…..

I walked the halls of the third floor, in a daze. The medication always left me feeling woozy the day after. I made my way to what the nurses and doctors called the "social room" (except most of the patients always kept to themselves) passing Mrs. Dentin in the hall, who stood chatting to Nurse Carter, who was pretending to look interested.

In the doorway to the social room two wardens were trying to get control over another screaming patient. I didn't look at who it was. I just dodged them as I walked in.

…..

I sat alone in the lunchroom as I ate. I didn't speak with anyone and no one spoke to me. This was usual; I didn't mind, in fact I preferred it that way. Even if I wanted to make friends here I didn't feel I could. Despite what those doctors said, I knew the truth. I knew I wasn't like the other patients.

Sometimes I felt guilty for feeling that way, after all none of them were in any better position than I was. But just knowing that I didn't belong here made me resentful.

It also made me restless.

I stood in my bedroom that night staring out the window, at the vast city of Seattle as rain poured down the windows. I itched to leave the institution and just run as hard and fast as I can to wherever.

It made me wish I still had the vision. They were always about the future; I had never asked for them and never really liked getting them. When I was little I would pray for them to stop. Now that I didn't get them anymore, I found myself wishing that they would come back.

I used to wonder why they had stopped; but I realized a while ago that it was obvious; I just didn't have a future anymore; at least one outside of this place.

I was brought out of my reverie by someone opening the door.

"Lights out Alice," Nurse Carter said cheerily, switching off the light, leaving me in darkness.

…

"So Alice, the Nurse Gail tells me you've had one of the nightmares again? And that you lied to them about missing out on two nights sleep, and that you passed out again in the games room? Would you like to talk about that?" Dr. Livingston said as he sat behind his desk, and I on a chair in front of it.

Our weekly sessions were tedious and more or less the same each time, but unavoidable.

"There is nothing to talk about," I responded in a monotone voice.

"But you lied to the nurses, Alice. Why did would you do that?" His words were accusing but his voice stayed deceptively neutral.

"Staying up at night gives me more time for my sketching," I couldn't tell him the truth that I just wanted to avoid the nightmares. That was something I really didn't want to talk about with anyone, especially Dr. Livingston. I knew there would be no point.

Neither one of us spoke for five minutes, I knew he was expecting me to speak but that was all I had to say.

"Alice; I've decided to have the Nurses put you on Donormyl each night."

I obviously looked puzzled.

"It's a strong sleeping pill, often used on insomniacs like yourself, you'll be reporting to the nurses' station each night for it."

Before I could protest he dismissed me, saying our session was over for the day. I left his office upset, I did not like taking pills; and I didn't like to sleep because it would only bring on the dreams.

….

That night at curfew, I was fruitlessly hoping they might forget about it; but of course they didn't.

While I sat sketching in my room, someone called out for me.

"Alice Brandon!"

I sighed; there was nothing I could do about it; and left my room to the nurses' station.

"Miss Brandon," Nurse Gail said formally from behind her desk, "Your pill for the evening."

She place in front of me two plastic cups, one with the pill, and one with water in it.

I looked back up at her for a moment, but she just stared back at me expectantly. I tried my luck and picked up the cups and turned to take them back to my room, maybe I could just chuck them both out the window?

"Miss Brandon," The old nurse reprimanded sternly, "you are to take them here where I can see you."

Silently cursing I did as she asked, then turned wordlessly back to my room.

…

That night I tried to stay awake as long as possible but I found myself drifting off to sleep…..

_I was back on Aunt Julia's front lawn standing in front of Sergt. Goodman's police car staring at my father, wide eyed my cheeks tearstained. I was giving him a pleading look, as Aunt Julia came running out of her front door. _

"_What is going on here!' She said angrily, addressing her question to me. _

"_Aunt you have to help me! There trying to kill me!" But even as I was saying it I knew how she thought it sounded. I grabbed her arm, trying to get my point across._

_She angrily shook me off, "how dare you say such a thing about my brother and your own father girl! You should be ashamed of yourself!" She slapped me hard on the cheek. _

"_Please you have to believe me!" _

_The ruckus was causing the neighbour to appear out the front of their houses, wondering what was going on. _

_Before I knew it Serge Goodman was behind me, and he and father were trying to pull me to the police car._

…But then the dream changed to something else….

_It was as if I had stumbled into one of my paintings. Into one of my lush, painted forest, except this was real; at least it felt like it. Everything around me was green. All the trees surrounding me, with their moss covered trunks, high branches overhead that created a green canopy over the forest; and the ground, which was covered in green ferns. The place was beautiful; I wished I could stay here forever. _

_It was so peaceful, so quiet. I stayed there, Basking in the lovely quite, peace of this almost strange, unearthly forest. It was what I imagined heaven to look. Now the thought of dying did not seem so terrible, if only I could come back here. _

_As I stood there I realized; there really was no noise. No birds, no sounds coming from any animals. I looked around and realized I couldn't see any either. _

_How strange, I thought. It was as if they had either fled or were hiding. _

_I then wanted to laugh at myself for such a ridiculous thought. I started as I heard the sound of a twig snapping on my left; when I turned to face the noise, I realized it was just a deer. Not just one, but a whole group of them. I was a little relieved to see some form of life here. _

_As I stood there, staring at them as they grazed on a meadow filled with wild flowers, I suddenly felt a gust of wind rush past me so quickly I blinked. When I opened my eyes again, there in the meadow; half standing, half crouching as if poised to attack the herd of deer, was a boyish man and a young woman stood. They were still barely long enough for me to see them at all, for in less than a moment they moved again, so quickly, the young woman was a blur and the bronze haired boy was so quick I hadn't even seen him move at all. They each pounced on a deer, wrestling it down and... I watched them, very unsure of what it was I was actually seeing; I watched the beautiful young woman with the mahogany coloured hair as she pressed her lips to the deer's throat, as if she were drinking from it, while the bronze haired boy did the same. _

_All this happened in a matter of seconds, but it seemed far longer; the others in the herd all darted away from these inhumanely beautiful people (if that is in fact what they were), and soon the two of them went to chase after some more._

_It startled me that I wasn't at all scared; there was a part of me that knew I should be; but I wasn't. _

_When they were finished, they turned to each other, looking at one another in way that made me feel envy. It looked as if the bronze haired boy was about to say something, but then he hesitated, and then went to speak again._

_"Jasper's here," he said matter of factly. _

_I thought this odd; I had not heard anyone coming. A second later they both turned to face me, and for a moment i thought they were looking straight at me; it was then that I got a good look at their faces._

_I was right, they were inhumanely beautiful; but the thing I noticed the most was there eyes. They both had these gorgeous, golden brown, almost topaz coloured eyes. _

_"I thought you'd decided not to come?" The girl asked, in a curious tone. _

_I thought they were speaking to me, until I heard a smooth, seductive and slightly southern voice speak from directly behind me._

_"I had, but since Carlisle and Esme left for a little hunting trip of their own, you know how Rosalie and Emmett can get when the house is empty, I could not stay there a moment longer."_

_I did not understand his meaning at all, but they must have, for they both visibly cringed. I turned around to get a look at the owner of that voice. _

_He was walking towards the two of them, just slowly enough that I could get a look at him. He was just as unnaturally beautiful as they were. He was very tall, lean but still muscular with jaw length blonde hair and the same topaz coloured eyes. It almost hurt to look at him. He walked directly towards me, and when he was mere inches away from me..._

I woke up with a start, only this time, for the first time in what felt like years, i was not left feeling scared, hurt or alone. Instead, all I felt was curiosity and deep down, a little of something else- something warm and lingering, something I had never felt before now.


End file.
